part1

my 19th birthday

over 70 msgs to my phone.
over 10 calls that i received.
over 35 comments in friendster.
around 20 comments in facebook.
around7 msgs in friendster.
5 msgs in facebook.
an email from my dear friend in AUS.



im so suprised,i feel so blessed all of a sudden knowing that theres sooo many ppl out there who still cares..im seriously touched by most of the calls and msgs from my long lost friends/best friends/old pal/babe.love u all so much! thank u all sooo much for everything!



sorry for not updating my blog for so long,something bad happened and i couldnt go online that often anymore. life is really boring without my laptop with me and being able to go online.hahaa! but i did alot of reading. bought two books on saturday from one Utama. 'Where rainbows end' by Ccelia Ahern and 'im in no mood for love' by Rachen Gibson.i finished 'where rainbows end' within 24hours.lols. its really a nice book to read. ( i love romance book). now im reading the 2nd book that i'v bought. sigh, what to do. all i can do is READ in my room nia.lols. its a story about a guy-girl bestfriends end up together. knew each other since 5.often write to each other(emails,notes..), they both been through so much, marriages, divorce,having kids etc..after fifty years.both of them final gt together.theres one line in the book(584 pages), it goes soemthing like this//guy and girl can never be PURELY bestfriends. aha! thats true in the real world i must admite. it happened.its proven. do try to read that book if u havnt. =)



last year, i thought a new year will be great for me.looking forward for the new year countdown with EMPOWERED youths(for teh 1st time), , several huge special events and anniversary.

'i will be 19 next year, and it will be great.' i thought.

im gonna start my degree programme, have more coursemates and new friends, will be involve in more activities in college..my 19th birthday falls on saturday, which means i get to celebrate with my special someone again for the 2nd time.3rd chinese new year visiting together..valentine's day will be on thursday but i actually managed to convince myself that we can celebrate it after that, roses will be cheaper then..next will be our 2nd year anni.goshed.u cant imagine how excited i was for 2008.i thought everything will go accordingly as it has planned.



God knows why and how unexpected change took place days before new year. i thought i was dreaming.it was my worst nightmare.its a start of a huge turning point in my life.everything chnaged.everything seems difficult. i wasnt prepared for the change u see, theres always someone there for me top lean on and rely on through the thick and thins. i was so insecure then.i felt bad too.really BAD. BUT u knw why? my mum is superb! my friends(esp babes) are awesome!they always make sure that im fine. they listen to me when i feel like talking and they lean me a shoulder when i feel liek crying.i really appreciate all the warm hugs that they've given.my mum being super supportive since then. brought me to have a super short hair cut on the first day.since then, i realised how hard it is to fake a smile that wasnt true from my heart.

*computer lab is closed, now im using the library's computer to continue this entry*

teling ppl that im fine but they actually can feel that sadness by looking into my eyes. back in KL on the 4th Jan.everythings seems difficult at first. all my friends are concern, admirers starts their moves..wound is still fresh and i cant just accept one of them for a replacement. (if u guys are reading this, i just wana say sorry,i may be very cold at times.u all are very nice,sincerely thanks from me).

sometimes, i sense something strange about myself,im good in pretending that im over it. trying hard to hold on and have faith, nurse my own wound and broken heart.yes,it is something new that i have to learn.nurse myself.seeing other couples together,i always pray for for them.i ofen ask them to hold each other tightly and dont ever easily let go. cherish each other. but still...
'why does ppl always tend to hurt the ppl that they love the most?'
theres no answer for that.things just happen.

1st week in kl, full of boredom.luckly my mum gave me a fixed line so that i can call her anytime i want to have a chat. coz u knw, i need ppl to talk to.i will die if i dont talk.lols.now, i talk more often to God and myself. i think im having this weird habbit already, talking to myself. it scares me sometime.my dearest housemates were being very supportive and nice to me too. im so blessed to have them in my life.


to be continue tmr..=)